Mother’s Day

Mother’s Day is coming up on Sunday.  I remember when I was young I would think of my birth mom on Mother’s Day and wondered if she thought of me.

I was always thankful for my adoptive mom.  She was great and a wonderful mother.

It was refreshing and fulfilling after I found my birth mom. And every Mother’s Day was rewarding to celebrate with two moms.

The Special Chosen One

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If you are an adoptee, have you felt alone in the world with no one to talk to; wondered how other adoptees deal with their emotions; or wondered WHY you were placed for adoption?

If you are a birthparent, have you ever wondered how your child might feel towards you; what their life was like growing up; or how you would react if they ever showed up on your doorstep?

If you are an adoptive parent, are you puzzled with how to deal with your child’s feelings towards adoption but don’t know what to say; thought about helping them search for their birth parents; or how you would handle the situation if they contacted their birth mom?

If you are someone who knows someone who is adopted, have you ever been curious what it was like to be adopted; you don’t know what to say to them about being adopted; or you don’t know how to support them if they are searching? If you answered yes to any of the above questions, then this book, The Special Chosen One, is for you.

Click above on ORDER BOOKS HERE.

Aside

Family Medical History

The following article was written by Lynne Miller and appeared on her web page.  When I was younger, before I found my birth family, the subject was frustrating.  Every time a doctor would ask, “What is your family medical history?”  I always sadly answered, “I don’t know.”

 

Medical History: Adoptees Fill in the Blanks

Every time we turn around, we hear about the importance of family medical history. Yet for adoptees, these facts are missing or at best incomplete.

A couple of recent  situations reminded me how little I know about my family medical history.

Leafing through Better Homes and Gardens on the subway, an article about heart disease caught my eye.

“When it comes to heart disease, what runs in your family matters—a lot,” the article began. “Studies show that if one of your parents had a heart attack or stroke, your own risk for these conditions can double, and having a brother or sister with the disease ups your chances of having a heart attack, too.”

I turned the page. Another article suggested talking to relatives about diseases that run in the family and then telling your doctor, who can use the information to recommend lifestyle  changes or screenings. “So grab a pen and paper and start interviewing Mom, Dad, Grandma, Grandpa, and everyone in between,” the article said.

Yeah, right. Like I can pick up the phone and get the scoop on family health conditions just like that. The writer is obviously not adopted.

On another day, sitting in an office in Manhattan, my doctor and I tried to calculate my lifetime risk of developing breast cancer. Lillian, my mother, died of breast cancer at the age of 48 and that’s why I made this appointment. I have no idea how old Lillian was when she was first diagnosed with the disease so I couldn’t answer my doctor’s question about age of onset. Hell, I didn’t know about my adoption until 11 years ago and didn’t know Lillian’s name until 2012. By the time I found out about her, Lillian had been gone for nearly 30 years.

I recalled hearing from a relative that Lillian had battled cancer for quite a while.  How long is quite a while? Let’s say my mother had the disease for seven years, I told my doctor.  She knew I was guessing and she wasn’t pleased. My doctor quizzed me about the other members of my family who had the disease. I don’t know, I don’t know, I said. My blood relatives are strangers to me.

I knew what my doctor was thinking: you should know your family history! I am adopted, I said, feeling compelled to defend my ignorance.

pic for medical history article

As we wrapped up our meeting, my doctor commented on how frustrating this lack of history must be for adopted people.

Yup, adoptees from the sealed records era run into these situations all the time. We don’t have family gossip stored in our memories because we never had a chance to talk with our biological kin. We can’t answer doctors’ questions with actual knowledge. We are clueless about our family histories.

In recent months, I’ve learned a few things about the health issues that run on my mother’s side of the family.  Lillian, in addition to breast cancer, struggled with alcohol and probably bipolar disorder. At least one of her brothers struggled with bipolar disorder, too. Lillian’s father, George, also had a drinking problem. My half-sister has diabetes and suffered a mild stroke some years ago.

What little I know about my mother and her relatives seems like a treasure chest of facts compared to what I have on my father and his family – absolutely nothing.

This problem is finally getting attention from the outside world. New Jersey lawmakers are considering legislation that would allow adoptees to gain access to their medical histories along with their original birth certificates.  I say it’s about time.

In the absence of information, I will do what I can to keep heart attacks, strokes and other bad stuff away.  Healthy genes, heart attack genes, mystery genes – whatever I inherited doesn’t have to dictate what’s going to strike me five, 10 or 20 years from now.

I try to take care of myself by making (mostly) healthy choices. Today I have a head cold. Part of me wants to take a nap, the other part of me thinks it’s time to get up, stretch my legs and have a glass of water with another shot of cold medicine.  It’s snowing and 27 degrees outside but a walk might do me good and get my mind off the things over which I have no control.

Loretta Lynn

Excerpt from my memoir, The Special Chosen One.  Available in paperback and eBook on Amazon.

 

“I rode with Aunt Ann and Uncle Hank to the Detroit airport. People everywhere. Mobs of people dashed  past me. Bumped my elbow. Brushed against my shoulder. A white Samsonite suitcase banged my knee.

What if my mom got here early and we missed her?

I searched faces in the swarming herd of strangers. We waited at the gate.

Waiting. Waiting. Waiting.

“When is her plane gonna land?”

My aunt stretched her arm around my shoulder to comfort me.  “Let’s stand over here so we aren’t so near the door when she gets off the plane. I know my sister. She’s a very nervous person. Give her a chance to let it sink in when she sees you.”

I inspected my surroundings. No TV cameras, that I noticed. Maybe they’re hidden. My aunt might have been sneaky and called the TV station anyway. If I see anything resembling the media, I’ll spin and run. Blend in with the crowd.

My stomach heaved. I can’t let my parents discover what I’ve done.

I examined faces again. If I noticed a familiar face of someone who might know my parents, I’m out of here.

On guard. Be on guard.

“Flight 1706 now arriving from Los Angeles at Gate 36.”

Strange people exited and filed through the doorway.

Oh, my God. What if I don’t know who she is? That would be humiliating if I don’t recognize my own mother.

“Aunt Ann, will you tell me when she gets—”

“There she is, Susan. There’s your mother.”

I stiffened. Fixated upon the woman slumped against the doorway.

“Hank, go help her. She’s about to pass out.”

I should be the one to run to her side. I’m her daughter. She needs help. I can’t let her fall.

She’s going to faint. Oh, my God.

But I’m glued to the floor. I couldn’t do anything but stand and stare.

Loretta Lynn. She looked young and beautiful. She looked like Loretta Lynn, with long black hair pulled up into Grecian curls, which trailed over the shoulders of her light blue silk blouse.

Aunt Ann nudged my back with her hand and walked beside me towards my mother. I looked into the slate-blue eyes of the woman who gave birth to me. This is my mother.

Wendy has her eyes. Now we know.

 We grabbed one another and sobbed. Our grip enmeshed so tight, we couldn’t let go.

Trembling. Her body shivered as if we stood in below-zero weather in a snow blizzard.

 She leaned aside to look at my face. “You look more like him than you do me.”

Uncle Hank guided us to a chair. Every few seconds we’d pull away and look at each other.

Flesh and blood. Yes, we are related.

She hugged me and cried. I sat on her lap and cried. She rocked me. And rocked me. And rocked.

Okay. Now this is getting uncomfortable. I don’t like this. How can I pull away and stop this rocking without hurting her feelings?

Then I remembered Cheryl, the support group leader, when she explained to me what might happen.

“Don’t be surprised if she just wants to hold you. Remember, the last time she saw you was when she cradled you in her arms as a tiny newborn. In her mind, you haven’t grown up because the last image she has of you is a baby. Let her have this time of holding you, if that’s what she wants.”

My tension eased. I relaxed. No TV cameras buzzed. No newspaper reporters aimed and clicked cameras. None of my parents’ friends witnessed this reunion.

Only me and my mom. That’s all who existed at Gate 36 in the Detroit airport.”

Read the rest of the story in my memoir, The Special Chosen One, available at Amazon.com

Equal Access to Adoptee’s Birth Certificate

Millions of adoptees across America have been denied a copy of their original Birth Certificate by an archaic law that has been in effect for the past 75 years. This law has created ANCESTRICIDE for millions of Adoptees which not only affect them, but their children and their children’s children. This is a disgrace in a free country that an adult individual cannot have access to their own Birth Certificate. Please support this petition and encourage your family and friends to do so.

SIGN THIS EXECUTIVE ORDER PETITION – Click anywhere in text to be directed to the petition web page.

Happy New Year!

I want to wish everyone a very Happy and extremely Blessed New Year.  I pray that you and your families will build memories this year.  I pray that you will be comforted by any losses.  I pray that adoptees will be reunited with their birth families.  God bless you all!!

Adoptees Restoration Act

I’m re-posting this from Sandy Musser’s FaceBook page:

 

President Obama – How about a Christmas present for ALL ADOPTEES in our country!

A CALL FOR an ADOPTEES RESTORATION ACT

Adoption ALARM Network
Advocating Legislation for Adoption Reform Movement

We are ALARMED that ADOPTEES do not have a copy of their Original Birth Certificate!

We are ALARMED that ADOPTEES’ entire birth information has been altered, falsified and sealed for the past 75 years; thereby creating Legal Lies!

We are ALARMED that ADOPTEES do not have access to their Medical History, in light of 3000 known genetic diseases according to the National Center for Disease!

We are ALARMED that ADOPTEES are often given false and misleading information about their background by social workers, attorneys and other “helping professionals” in the field of adoption!

We are ALARMED that ADOPTEES are forced to pay agency fees to receive non-identifying information, state fees to be placed on a state registry; and attorney fees to petition the court system to receive what is already their inalienable right* – EQUAL ACCESS to their ORIGINAL BIRTH CERTIFICATE!

We are ALARMED that ADOPTEES, by virtue of the adoption process, have been stripped of their ENTIRE HERITAGE AND CULTURE causing a malady known as ANCESTRICIDE which also affects their children and their childrens children!

We are ALARMED that, in a free and democratic society, all ADOPTED PERSONS in our country are denied these basic human rights guaranteed to all other Americans under the 13th and 14th Amendments and the Declaration of Independence.

14th Amendment of the U.S. Constitution
No state shall make or enforce any law which shall abridge the privileges or immunities of citizens of the United States; nor shall any state deprive any persons of life, liberty or due process of law; nor deny to any person within its jurisdiction the equal protection of the laws.

Declaration of Independence
We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain inalienable rights that among these are Life, Liberty and the Pursuit of Happiness – inalienable rights (cannot be transferred nor forfeited)

**************************************************************

Therefore, the Adoption Community calls for
an Executive Order
by the President of our United States for an

~ ADOPTEES RESTORATION ACT ~

Providing every Adult Adopted Person born within
the Jurisdiction of the U.S. of America
Equal Access to their
Original Birth Certificate

Based upon the 14th Amendment and the Declaration of Independence!

Adoptee Christmas Cards

I remember back in 1978 after finding my birth mom, I couldn’t find an appropriate card to send her for Christmas.  They all talked about remembering past Christmases, how through the years we’ve shared so much, and on and on.  I couldn’t send any of those to my birth mom.

I’m hoping that today there might be some good greeting cards out there for adoptees, birth parents, and adoptive families.

Merry Christmas Everyone!

Memoir of an Adoptee

Watch this video trailer of my newly published book

 

Book Cover FRONT - JPEG

Adoptee’s Prayer

I just want to share An Adoptee’s Prayer, written by Jo Swanson, that was posted on the ALARM site on FaceBook.  I think it portrays how most adoptees feel:

Adoptee Prayer

Happy Thanksgiving

I pray that all the adoptees, birth parents, and adoptive families have a wonderfully blessed Thanksgiving today.

If you are still searching, hang in there. Keep going. Persevere. Your day will come when you will be reunited with your birth families.

Happy Thanksgiving.

An Adopted Woman’s Journey Back to Her Roots

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First shipment just arrived.  So exciting.  Click on image to order yours today

The Move

Here is an excerpt from my book, The Special Chosen One:

“The possibility crossed my mind that maybe we were moving to get farther away from my birth mother.

Before we packed up and left, I searched for clues:

Instead of praying with my head bowed in church, I opened my eyes, raised them just enough to look around, spied on people to see if another woman looked at me—then I’d know she was my birth mother.

Standing around the corner of our kitchen, I eavesdropped when my mom talked on the phone—a whispered voice served as a sign she’s talking to my birth mother.

Riding in the car, if my mom slowed down as we passed a woman on the sidewalk, I promptly noted her physical features, because if she was short, with dark hair and dark eyes like me, and if she even slightly appeared like she was gifted with a high IQ, then she’s definitely my birth mother.”

Book Cover FRONT - JPEG

Birth Mother Found

Exactly 35 years ago today I found my birth mother. I contacted my aunt first, which was the scariest, most rewarding phone call ever in my entire life.

i persevered through the obstacles of the adoption system and “sealed” records. I don’t regret for one minute all the time and effort I put into my search.

To my angels in Heaven, I love you Mom and Aunt Ann

The Special Chosen One

Published November 16, 2013.

NOW AVAILABLE FOR PURCHASE on Amazon.  Click anywhere in text to be redirected to purchase site:

Book Cover FRONT - JPEG

If you are an adoptee, have you felt alone in the world with no one to talk to; wondered how other adoptees deal with their emotions; or wondered WHY you were placed for adoption?

 If you are a birthparent, have you ever wondered how your child might feel towards you; what their life was like growing up; or how you would react if they ever showed up on your doorstep?

 If you are an adoptive parent, are you puzzled with how to deal with your child’s feelings towards adoption but don’t know what to say; thought about helping them search for their birth parents; or how you would handle the situation if they contacted their birth mom?

 If you are someone who knows someone who is adopted, have you ever been curious what it was like to be adopted; you don’t know what to say to them about being adopted; or you don’t know how to support them if they are searching?

 If you answered yes to any of the above questions, then this book,  The Special Chosen One, is for you.

 An adopted woman’s journey back to her roots. This memoir peers into the mind and emotions of an adoptee who wonders about her birth parents. The torment of being questioned by physicians as to your medical history, when all an adoptee can answer is, “I don’t know.” The eventual fear of hurting adoptive parents when deciding to search for birth parents. The difficult aspect of searching for records about yourself, but they are sealed forever.

 This book is helpful to all members of the adoption triad; the adoptee, adoptive parents and birth parents, or anyone thinking of adoption or in the process of adopting.

 This book brings forth the theme that adoptees are not alone. The author never knew another adoptee until age 24. Her self-imposed feelings of guilt were always associated with being adopted. What the author didn’t know until later in life is that other adoptees went through the same emotions.

 Also included is valuable information and suggestions for adoptees, birth parents and adoptive parents, tips for beginning a search, other books recommended for reading, helpful links, and reading group questions.

Adoptee Book Release This Month

Be on the lookout for this book release

in November. 

Book Cover FRONT - JPEG

We are almost there!

To Prison With Love for Adoption Reunions

Twenty years ago today one of our own went to prison for the “crime” of reuniting adoptees and birth families.  Sandy Musser is considered to be the civil rights pioneer for the adoptive rights movement. We should have been celebrating her efforts for reconnecting families.  But instead the government used their flagrant abuse of power, laced with lies, to carry out an indecent indictment.

Let us never forget those who have suffered in their efforts to bring reform to the discrimination of adoptees by sealing their birth records forever.

Read more about Sandy Musser on her web page  www.sandymusser.com

Adoption Detective

Judith Land lives in Colorado and Arizona with husband and coauthor Martin Land.  Judith is a former nurse, retail shop owner, college instructor and avid outdoor person.

Her book “Adoption Detective: Memoir of an Adopted Child” is a true story detailing the journey of Judith Romano, foster child and adoptee, as she discovers fragments of her background, and then sets out to solve the mystery as an adult.

“Mothers and fathers everywhere in the world need to understand children are forever and always.” –Judith Land

Check out her blog here —–>   Judith Land Blog

National Adoption Awareness Month

Next month, November, is the National Adoption Awareness Month.

A time to give thanks for the blessings of adoption.

There are two lasting bequests we can give our children:

One is roots,

The other is wings.

     – Hodding Carter –

The Special Chosen One – Adoptee Reunited

An Adopted Woman’s Journey Back to Her Roots

Watch the trailer video of my memoir

TO BE PUBLISHED next month November 2013

Click Here —->   THE SPECIAL CHOSEN ONE


An Adoptee Reunited with Birth Family

 

Do NOT click on any ads which may be posted below by WordPress

Book Preferences

BIRTH PARENT WISH

OK.  Maybe today I’ll get a better response than the last two days.

If you are a birth parent, and you could change one law regarding adoption, what would you change?

Please post your comments.

ADOPTIVE PARENTS’ WISH

Wow, only one comment on the adoptee’s wish.

 

Today, let’s try adoptive parents.  To all you adoptive parents, if there was one thing you could change about the law regarding adoption, what would it be?

Please post comments.  And have a very blessed day.

Adoptees’ Wish

To all the adoptees out there, if you had one law that you could change regarding adoption, what would it be?

Post your comments.

Millions Touched by Adoption

There are approximately 5 million adoptees, which are in the center, 10 million birth parents and 10 million adoptive parents, add brothers, sisters, aunts, uncles, etc., and at least 135,000,000 people are affected by adoption.

This is NOT counting spouses, children, grandchildren, in-laws, or friends of adoptees.

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